What Will You Be Doing for Your Spouse on Valentine's Day?

Yes, yes, many treat this day like several other Hallmark Holidays that have been invented to encourage a culture of consumerism and cause competition in marriages. But on the other hand, when it comes to our spouse, there is nothing that God wants us to show more of than LOVE. John 15:12 says, “This is my commandment: that you love one another, just as I have loved you.”

So…What’s Your Plan?

It seems like you have two options if you want to get it just right:

1. Spend from now until that day planning and making sure you have just the right gift and plans.

2. Ask your spouse’s friends what they think you should do.

Perhaps you could do both? Either way there is one thing that is true, a good Valentine’s date does not happen by accident.

One of my favorite words when I’m working with my clients is ‘intentionality’. It refers to the attitude one has when approaching a task, relationship, or even a calling. Some people call this purpose, but I think purpose talks more about the goal at the end rather than the process. Intentionality is the process you go through to fulfill the purpose. In order for you to fulfill any purpose, you have to have intentionality. John 12:27: “And what shall I say? ‘Father, save me from this hour’? But for this purpose I have come to this hour. Father, glorify your name.”

For V-Day, What’s the Purpose?

It is to express love and appreciation for those you hold dear; specifically, our sweetheart. If you don’t have a plan, you can’t get to the goal. Teams practice their game, employees get trained on a job, and children receive teaching and discipline. All this happens in order to make it to the goal, and make it well.

In marriage, the goal is to glorify God by showing love to each other. Galatians 6:2: ”Bear one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.”

- Placing the other’s needs before your own
- Spending time getting to know your spouse;
- Providing for them
- Raising a family together;
- Spurring each other on toward the highest calling


None of this is possible if you are not intentional about it. You have to do things that will result in love shown. In every interaction you have with your spouse, you have two choices; one will draw you closer to your spouse, and the other will distance you from him or her.

Intentionality states you have to be aware of the choice you are making in any given situation. Choose the interaction that will bring you closer.

Specifically, for this V-Day, you have to have a plan in order to make the date a success. In general, for marriage, you have to intentionally invest in your relationship in order to make the marriage a success.

Date your spouse! Pursue them! Quality time together is a great investment, as well as gifts, even encouragement! Those investments will pay off in habits of good behavior and positive feelings toward each other that will strengthen your marriage and your family.

Tim Schlensker profile
(Photo : Christianity Daily)

Tim Schlensker is a licensed marriage and family therapist currently at Hope Insight Counseling, which is located in Brea, CA, easily accessible to all of North Orange County. For more information or to schedule an appointment, call 657-246-2446, or email Tim at tims@HopeInSightCounseling.com. Don’t wait, there is hope in sight.