Actor James Van Der Beek, best known for his role as Dawson Leery on the television series “Dawson’s Creek,” offered a spiritual reflection about identity and God in the final season of his life before his death on Feb. 11 at age 48 following a battle with Stage 3 colorectal cancer.
During a video recorded amid medical treatment, Van Der Beek reflected on how his understanding of identity shifted as illness stripped away the roles that once defined him.
“When I was younger, I used to define myself as an actor, which was never all that fulfilling, and then I became a husband, it was much better, and then I became a father. That was the ultimate,” he said.
As his illness progressed, he described a deeper realization about spiritual value. “I am worthy of God’s love simply because I exist,” he said.
Van Der Beek’s health struggles began in 2023 when he first experienced symptoms, culminating in a public diagnosis in November 2024.
“I had to come nose to nose with death,” he said, explaining that “all those definitions that I cared so deeply about were stripped from me.”
The physical and emotional distance from his family intensified his internal struggle. “I could no longer be a husband who was helpful to my wife,” he said. “I could no longer be a father who could pick up his kids and put them to bed and be there for them. I could not be a provider because I wasn’t working.”
At what he described as his lowest moment, he questioned his remaining identity. He recalled feeling like “a too-skinny, weak guy, alone in an apartment with cancer … what am I?”
From that moment, he said, his reflection turned toward faith and unconditional love. “I am worthy of God’s love simply because I exist,” he said. “And if I’m worthy of God’s love, shouldn’t I also be worthy of my own?”
Van Der Beek acknowledged that his understanding of faith remained a journey rather than a fixed certainty. “I certainly don’t claim to know what God is or explain God, my efforts to connect to God are an ongoing process that is a constant unfolding mystery to me.”
He added, “If it’s a trigger that feels too religious, you can take the word God out of your mantra and it can simply be ‘I am worthy of love.’ Because you are.”
Van Der Beek rose to prominence with “Dawson’s Creek,” the coming-of-age drama that debuted in 1998 and ran for six seasons. The series, which also starred Katie Holmes, Michelle Williams and Joshua Jackson, established him as one of the defining television actors of the late 1990s and early 2000s.
He later expanded into film, appearing in titles such as “Varsity Blues,” “The Rules of Attraction” and “Jay and Silent Bob Reboot,” continuing a career that spanned television and cinema.
He is survived by his wife, Kimberly, and their six children.
